I'll Give It A Try

The Christmas lights of 2010 were beautiful.  Trees glowing bright with every branch covered, walkways lined with candy canes and string of lights to guide the way, and Santas everywhere waving their arms in the crisp night air. The hustle and bustle of the Christmas season has sadly come to an end. Santa Clause and his reindeer are headed back to the attic until next year while friends and neighbors are climbing ladders to remove the glowing cheer from their houses. As the New Year comes in, the lights come down and there is a void. Maybe that void is just because a relatively happy time of year is finishing up and it is almost a back-to-reality kind of feeling when it’s over.  I don’t know if you’re like me, but when this starts happening, I meet that void very easily. However, it is this very thing that turned on the light bulb in my head and started a fire in my heart.  I had already decided that this year, this 2011, I was going to try and be a more positive person. I guess you could say that is my New Year’s Resolution but resolutions are broken more often than not…so I’m not calling it that.  It’s just a change I need to make in my life. On my quest to be positive, I’ve tried to figure out things in my life that bring me down. I have been using the time that I have alone as a sort of self-reflection. I’ve asked myself questions like “why can’t I let go?” and “what is the big picture? What am I missing?”  Honestly I have asked these questions for so long that the answer to it all has become uncomfortable and maybe even hard to admit or think about.  What does all of this have to do with Christmas lights? Well, I was driving home from Wal-Mart in the dark. I live only a few blocks from the store and if you know me, I’m a Wal-Mart junkie and could probably make the trip with my eyes closed.  But this night I noticed something I had never noticed before.  It was a nativity scene still lit up by a church so long after all other Christmas decorations had been gone. I thought about how impossible it was that I never noticed it before.  I noticed the decorated tree and the lit fence that had previously been right next to it, and the cross on the church and even the wreath on the window of the house next door, but never Baby Jesus in His manger as Mary and Joseph looked on.  How could I not have seen this before?  I was raised in a Christian home and know that He is the reason for the season. Shouldn’t I have seen this? Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it was some miracle placed on a lawn to open my eyes to my ways. I know that this was there before. I just didn’t pay attention.  It wasn’t until every other bright and cheery thing had gone away that I noticed this beautiful depiction of the birth of my Savior. And that’s honestly how I have been living my life. I have gone through the motions of everyday life, up the hills and back down again without even thinking about God. It is never until my world goes black, until all the lights of my life are out and I am hurting that I notice Him. It has taken all the cheer, love and happiness to be taken away and locked in an attic somewhere to pay any attention to the fact that my Lord and Savior- Jesus Christ has been there through it all. I guess you could say that I have been a lukewarm Christian.  But that is not who I want to be.  The fire for life and my God who gave it to me should be in my heart ALWAYS—not just when my world is dark and I’m needing him to lift me up. I should be thanking him for the blessings in my life whether things are good or bad because each day is and truly should be a blessing. I can’t promise an overnight change but I am so thankful for that nativity scene. I’m so thankful for the darkness that helped me see it and to my Jesus for giving me the heart and mind to relate something so simple to my life. Thank you, Jesus, for lifting my heavy heart this 2011 and I pray that my eyes don’t turn away from You. Happy New Year everyone, and God Bless!!